Tags: family guy stewie drunk

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Stewie: Look, I really don`t want to go to hell but I can`t fight my nature. I`m just a hateful person.
Brian: You`re not hateful. You just need to control your anger like I do.
Stewie: You mean by being sauced all day? Wait a minute! Of course that`s it! If I`m drunk I`ll be calm. If I`m calm, I`ll be nice. And If I`m nice, I won`t go to hell. Fix me a highball! I`m going to get good and tight.
Brain: What?! You can`t drink. You`re an infant. Besides, there are better ways to solve your problems.
Stewie: I suppose you`re right. Thanks Brian! I was weak.
Brian: No problem.
Stewie: Oh my God! Do you know what it`s time for? A sexy party!

Stewie: So Brain...I ...no ... what?
Brain: I didn`t say anything.
Stewie: I thought... I thought you interupted me. Don`t interupt me!
Brain: Are you OK?
Stewie: I`m as OK as your face. I`m sorry, I`m sorry, I`m sorry, I`m sorry...
Lois: So honey, what are you`re gonna write about today? Can we get a liitle preview?
Peter: I got a good one Lois. Parents who let their kids do anything they want. I hate that, you know. When I`m in a restaurant, right? Trying to enjoy my dinner and little baby, junior, son of a bitch or whatever screaming her head off. Parents need to control their kids.
Stewie: Hey everybody! I`m gonna... I`m gonna do something that`s gonna freak you out! I`m gonna jump from this shelf to my high chair. I`m gonna jump. You... I... You watching? Yo... Are you? Are you...
Peter: Stewie don`t interupt! That grinds my gears when you do that.
Lois: Ooooh he said it!
Stewie: You gonna miss it! Oh God dude! Did you see the... that? Did you guys... Oh man look at this... look at this gash! Look at this gash right up the side of my leg. I cut myself deep. Oh... Oh, doesn`t hurt though.
Brian: Alright. Don`t worry Louis I`ll take Let`s go!
Stewie: Why do you... What the hell? Why we`re in here? It`s rude to the other people.
Brain: You`re drunk.
Stewie: You`re sexy.
Brian: Listen! You have to stop this, alright? No more drinking. I`m sorry I`ve even put it in your head.
Stewie: I don`t even know what your problem is. I`ve never felt better. Ok, NOW I`ve never felt better.

Stewie: What are we doing here?
Brian: So you like being drunk? Fine! I`m gonna get you so drunk you`ll never wanna drink again. Come on!

Brian: Thanks Horace!
Horace: Hey, is he 18?
Brian: Horace the drinking age is 21.
Stewie: Ok, ok... To the black man. Thanks for taking it all in stride.

Stewie: `Cause suicide is painless. It brings on many changes and I can take or leave it if I please...
Brain: Was that... was that good?
Stewie: Oh God! Thank you man!

Brian: Get the fruit! It`s more points.
Stewie: I`m not gonna get the fruit.
Brian: Get the fruit!
Stewie: I can`t get the fruit.
Brian: Get the fruit!
Stewie: I`m not gonna get the fruit, there`s a ghost right there!!!

Stewie: I can`t believe you saved all those...
Brain: Lois... Lo.. Lo... You think Lois will like these?
Stewie: You love Lois!
Brian: Shut up!
Stewie: You know... Gimme the keys!
Brian: Oh no, I`m fine.
Stewie: Oh no, gimme the keys!
Brian: I`m driving.
Stewie: Gimme your keys. You`re too drunk.
Brian: I`m OK.
Stewie: Peter, Meg, Brian... you`re too.. Brian, you`re too drunk.
Brian: I... I....I am... You`re right. Here... Here we go.

/ This was the scene at the drunken plum last night as the car driven by an intoxicated infant caused thousands of dollars worth of damage/
Brian: Put this on my tab.
Stewie: It was like all slowed down, you know and I was like whooaaaa! but I couldn`t stop it.

Stewie: Go away!
Brian: Little hangover?
Stewie: I am never going to drink again. Ever! I mean I may have an occasional ?? but that`s about it.
Brain: Look kid, you can`t stay in bed all...Oh God! You`re nude.
Stewie: I am? What happened to my clothes? Good Lord, what the hell did I do last night?!
Brain: I hope you learnt something from all this.
Stewie: I certainly did Brian. It seems I`m still finding myself.
Brian: Well, that’s just life Stewie. You gotta help yourself. No one`s gonna do it for you.
Stewie: Yes, I suppose you`re right. It`s just too bad there`s not someone out there just like me who understands me well enough to show me the way.
Brian: Yeah Stewie, I`m sure there`s someone out there just like you.
Stewie: But for the moment I just got to accept the fact that I am an angry boy who`ll occasionally try to burn down the house, or toss a poison down to his mother. After all I can’t let one near-death experience change my whole life, can I?
Brian: I`m glad you`ve finally figured that out. Although, I will say for the record you`re pretty fun drunk.
Stewie: Thank God there were no long-term repercussions!

Roger: Oh got to play this right Roger. Can`t seem desperate. Wait three days. That`s the rule. Oh God I wanna talk to him now! Damn!

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